When the first guy I ever loved broke up with me, one of the things he said was, “You never needed me and that hurt a lot.”
It stunned and confused me at the time. What did he mean? Of course, I needed him. I thought we needed each other. What did being “needed” have to do with anything? After all, I prided myself on my independence. But in my rush to prove how strong and independent I was I may have broken his heart by making him feel like he was not needed.
Years later, I understood what he meant. It opened my eyes to something vital about attraction and love. We underestimate the value of need when it comes to love.
Yet it’s in our very language. “I need you” can be synonymous with “I love you”.
“I can’t live without you” can express both “I need you/ I love you”. A lot of our language uses “need” when describing love. While we fear appearing “needy”, we can hurt those who love us if we act like we don’t need them at all.
Don’t we feel most loved when we are needed? Isn’t that true for others? Are love and need deeply intertwined and impossible to separate without losing both.