The past week has been hard

The clinic put me on a kind of hormone regulation.  I think it’s similar to birth control.  They’re giving me estrogen and soon I’m be on pro estrogen to try and give my ovaries a break since my FSH has been so high.  

The little guys are tuckered out.

However, this has caused me pain in my lower abdomen and a strange kind of “apathetic” depression?  I don’t know what else to call it.  I feel like a JHS student muttering, “I don’t care” to everything.

“Do you want to wear blue or pink?”

Me: I don’t care.  What’s it matter?  We’re all just specks spinning on a giant ball floating in space.

Which is pretty emo for me.  I’m either just crashing or I’m extremely irritated or really sensitive or everything at the same time.

Artificial hormones have always had a big affect on my emotions, so I was disappointed when it looked like we’d have to bite the bullet and go through this.  Doing what we were before was not working very well, so we should try something new.

I hope it works.

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When I was in my twenties, I moved to Japan and met a man there. We embarked on our adventure through life and love. I have lived with him in Japan ever since. We want to start a family, but that is proving difficult. I struggle with infertility. We almost had a child, but that ended in tragedy. Now we enjoy each day and hope that one day we'll hear the pitter-patter of little feet and the bubbly laughter of a child. In the meantime, I enjoy writing, love, studying, traveling, and working. These posts are my thoughts and stories of my life here.

8 thoughts on “The past week has been hard”

  1. oh gosh that does sound hard. I hope that this new treatment will help. Maybe your emotions will settle once you get used to the new hormones. Sorry about the “what’s the point of anything” phase. There’s no good answer to that one so best not to think about it too much!! Maybe there is a God and everything has some meaning. Or maybe there isn’t and it’s all just random.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hope it works too. Just from my experience, any kind of hormones / medication definitely affected my mood. It’s quite scary how much it affects your mood and it made me feel quite low at times. As long as you’re aware of it and can tell yourself it’s an artificial sadness, that might help. Wishing you luck!

    Liked by 1 person

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