When it comes to certain people, I have trouble letting go. My mother still can’t let go of her anger towards people who betrayed her. She still fumes about things, and will bore you to death with the story of “that person who ten years ago stabbed me in the back”.
I’ve usually been able to let go of these things. When I let go, I also forget the person and everything about them. I vaguely remember who hurt me, but it’s very hard. I can’t remember the good times nor the bad times. I only remember not to trust them and that they did something. However, the feelings are gone. I can’t even remember why I was angry.
For me, I have let go of someone when they have become erased from my memories. It isn’t self-imposed. I’m not trying to forget them, it’s just what happens when I lose feeling toward something.
Remember that favorite toy that you cherished as a child?
I only remember its existence, but there is no feeling or nostalgia there anymore. Mr. Tiger used to be my favorite stuffed toy. My mom still has him, she is more attached to him now than I am because “memories of me taking him everywhere”. I look at him and all I think is, “Oh, I used to love that toy.”
We forget things we don’t care about.
For me, when I let go, I only remember that person existed in my life. I can’t even recall why I cared or was so worried about their feelings.
However, it’s not easy getting to that stage. A couple years ago I was really betrayed by someone I thought I could trust. There were red flags all over the place that she was mentally imbalanced and not in control of her feelings.
She has an enemy list 30 names long and she wasn’t even 21 at the time. I remember the vindictive way she spoke of those people “she discarded”, but she assured me, “I’ll never to do that to you”. She said they were “toxic” people who took advantage of her “kind heart”.
Then, on my birthday, she sent a list to me of everything she hated about me (she even numbered it) and blocked me on all social media. I was floored. The attack came out of the blue. In the days before, she was being unusually sweet and acting like we were BFFS.
Slowly, I am forgetting everything about her. Mostly it’s gone, but it took more than any other failed friendship I ever experienced. I was very duped and I loss confidence in my ability to read people.
Even though I now go weeks without thinking about her, every now and again the anger and hurt returns. It goes as quickly as it comes. The other day a picture of hers popped up on my social media and I felt a sudden anger. It passed after a couple minutes, but I was sad. I felt like “still? I’m still bothered by her?”
I hate this lingering anger. My worst fear is to end up like my mom, stewing over someone who isn’t worth one’s time.
I suppose it can’t be helped.